FORTUNE'S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH REAL-LIFE SCIENCE FICTION: #2 What to do... if you get a phone call from Mars:
    Speak slowly and be sure to enunciate your words properly. Limit
    your vocabulary to simple words. Try to determine if you are
    speaking to someone in a leadership capacity, or an ordinary citizen.
if he, she or it doesn't speak English?
    Hang up. There's no sense in trying to learn Martian over the phone.
    If your Martian really had something important to say to you, he, she
    or it would have taken the trouble to learn the language before
    calling.
if you get a phone call from Jupiter?
    Explain to your caller, politely but firmly, that being from Jupiter,
    he, she or it is not "life as we know it". Try to terminate the
    conversation as soon as possible. It will not profit you, and the
    charges may have been reversed.